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Do you believe that God will forgive you even if you sinned seventy times seven a day?
If you don't, read Mat.18:21,22.
You mentioned, " my heart is kind of "deadened" from all true emotion and response to the Lord because of my sins. ...I dont want this life of sin, but it seems impossible to get away from it, even though I try hard. I guess Im not trying hard enough".
Actually what is happening is that you were disconnected with God because the devil is interfering with your connectivity.
Your repentance has restored you back to God but your connectivity is still not working.
The devil is interfering, obviously, because he wants you to sin and become his slave. The fact that he can interfere points also to the fact that he is still hanging around. He is staying where you are sinning repeatedly. He lives there!
Why is God allowing the devil to interfere or even stay where you are and seduce you to sin?
God wants you to restitute, become responsible for your choices and actions and become a victorious warrior vs. the devil. You are called to war! Eph.6.
Repentance restores you back to God but it does not drive the devil away but restitution does. It is the process where you engage the devil, drive him away then rebuild what he has damaged.
Your weapon is the Sword of the Spirit, the WORD OF GOD. Know the truth and the truth shall set you free.
The devil can only cause you to sin when you allow a lie to manifest in your life. And it starts with your mind and is launched by your mouth.
Know the truths particularly on the areas of sin in your life. Why are you committing that sin over and over again? What are the truths lacking in that area?
Why did you sin?
Enumerate your reasons honestly on your prayer journal. Make two columns: the left column is the list of sins; the right column is the list of biblical truths.
Pray and declare the biblical truths versus the sin and lie.
Resolve to love God above all.
You lack intimacy with God because you did not resolve to love him above all.
Intimacy involves your whole being. It starts with a resolve to commit. That commitment to get close with God involves quality time and costly effort. It may require you to drop personal priorities and to reorganize your life. You have to resolve that God is now your priority above your self and others.
Make a re-commitment. Make a covenant with God. Give up yourself. Let go of yourself and let God be God in your life. Tell Him that He is the Lord of your life NOT you but HIM. Thank Him for being so gracious to you. Thank HIM for loving you the way you are, a sinner. He did not require your life so that you did not die while in sin. He spared your life so that if today you hear his obey, obey HIM. Obedience requires repentance and restitution. Then love and truth must come in to fill your mind and heart so that you will not be empty. The devil comes with seven other demons to fill your life if it finds empty. Luke 11:24-26. Your restitution is to seek God's holiness and perfect obedience in Christ in accordance with the Bible.
Commitment requires the fullness of your heart and mind. Your body only does what your mind and heart tell you.
Now if the devil is in control of your mind and heart, your mind and heart will tell your body to do what the devil has told your mind and heart.
The devil can only take control of your mind and heart if you allow him. Likewise, God can only take control your mind and heart if your allow HIM. Make a decisive
declaration of your life saying," God is in control of my life ".
How do you know then that your mind is in God's control or not?
When you know God's will and you are in his will, then you have allowed God to be in control of your life.
If you don't know God's will, that's when the devil comes and confuses you and makes you sin.
Having a confused mind is the result of a mind in crisis due to the conflict between truth and lie. If the truth is defeated, the lie makes the person sin. If the lie is defeated, the truth makes the person abide by God's will, free from sin.
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How can I appropriate repentance? I know I have to "confess" my sins and turn from them but my heart is kind of "deadened" from all true emotion and response to the Lord because of my sins. What do I do? I've been trying for awhile now to confess and turn from all sin but end up back in the same mess again and again...I dont want this life of sin, but it seems impossible to get away from it, even though I try hard. I guess Im not trying hard enough.
I appreciate your response to my question. Everything you said is truth because it is only a confirmation of what I thought I was hearing from the Lord Himself. Just the other day I took time to listen to what He wanted to tell me, and He did ask me "why". I started to analyze and ask myself that question then and only got part of the answer. You are right when you say I have to write down things as well to come up with the whole answer. Thank you for your wisdom, time, and encouragement. You are a blessing.