I am 47, and have been dx'd with hyper manic bi-polar, agoraphobia, obsessive/compulsive, and panic/anxiety... they have me on lithium, which is a gooc thing, but the psych i had said i was still too manic so added clonapin, which just makes me wierd...i have recently moved cause my partner didn't understand and started getting excessively violent with me.. i am now in ny close to buffalo and am looking for a good place to go where thy will not play with your meds and make you nuts and they will understand...i get really angry that i am ill... i have to much i want to do.. i was teaching literacy and had to quit.. they will not allow me to work and i understand why, but i hate when my brain doesn't work.. not meaning to whine, but i wish i could have been dx earlier as bi polar instead of bein treated just for depression for bout 15 years...i feel i kinjda no longet have much to choose from or do.. am working on getting ssi.. but am afraid to be close to anyone cause of the way my head works....sometimes have really wierd dreams.. and know i have the capacity to either get really violent or really afraid... i hate to cry and try really hard not to altho i iknow that could prolly be a good thing... do know i not want anyone as a partner unless they are willing to try to understand.. example of typing have broken hand from last one but sorry for the ranting and whining.. i love butterflies and believe in equality of all regarldless of color, race, sexual pref, sanity or anything.. love ppl but they scare me.. any input would be appreciated.. now here is the rub i may rem this spot and i may forgt so if no response from me please email...somedays it be like that...loves and hugs to all and have an awesome, sparkly day!

hi,
i have sort of the same problem only not to the same extent. Mine is slight enough where I am expected to work but do not always feel able to do so. Mine comes and goes either on a minute by minute basis or if I'm lucky a week by week basis. It just changes whenever it wants. I am currently not on anything, I have just moved in the last three months about 800 miles form where I grew up and I am no longer in a pplace where i have the same connections and help I had before. I know what I need to do, but I am scared, of either outcome. Good or bad. I know I need help, but because of my new living situation I am afraid I will not get the help I had before. I have manic/ bi-polar also mixed with anxiety panic attacks and a little schizoaffective/anti-social disorder mixed in for fun. Besides telling me to get help do you have any advise?