Thanks for having the courage to share your life and feelings.
I've recently come to realise that I have been going through life with major self-esteem/self confidence problems.
Reading your post I thought some of these issues might apply to your situation.
Firstly, here's a great page about the many aspects of self esteem etc:
http://www.nathanielbranden.com/ess/ess12.html
This isn't bad either: http://buddhism.kalachakranet.org/self-confidence.html
(don't forget wikipedia too.)
I think most people are screwed up in some ways - we're all secretly insecure, it's not just you!
I don't know what approach your therapist took, but there are some approaches like cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) or REBT which can help you to understand the interaction between your thoughts, emotions and behaviour, so you can break out of negative cycles. A lot of (good) self-help books are based on that stuff. It's about improving your philosophy of living. (You'll find stuff online too)
When you get some knowledge or insight into your issues, you'll see that you don't have to feel
bad about yourself and you'll become a generally happier person.
We struggle to fully accept others when we don't (unconditionally) accept ourselves - we become
fault-finders and it affects our relationships.
You mentioned trying to get close to people - I guess its good if people are honest so we know
where we stand with them - if they are uncomfortable with us the way we are its not something we can easily change. However, the better you become at dealing with your feelings (eg not feeling
needy or lonely), the more successful you'll be at finding true friends who value you.
Re - your jobseeking nerves - its a widespread problem (there's lots of online resources about
doing job interviews). It can be very disheartening to be knocked back - I guess its a learning process.
Try to act confident (fake it til you make it)- when you seem nervous or self-conscious its hard for them to imagine you acting with self-confidence in the
job. Are they jobs you really want? -its easier if you can think up some reasons to be enthusiastic about it.
Hope something here helps!
That was brave of you to admit that. SOmetimes you just need to stop sweating the small stuff. Enjoy it while things are good. Imagining that they are bad could cause you problems that you just don't need.
