Confessions of a Cat Breeder

Dear Jasmine, I was reading some of the messages posted on this forum and you mention finding one's feline soulmate. Nani is mine, I do believe. She's been missing 15 days now and I'm devastated with worry and grief. The day Nani left, she came to me and was more affectionate than usual; she jumped up on my lap, purring loudly. She gave me kisses on my face and it occurred to me later that she was assuring me she loved me and that she had something to do that she was very excited about. I've had Nani since she was a 5-week old kitten. Her mother was a feral cat and abandoned Nani, so I bottle-fed her until she was ready to eat kitten food. Nani is now 21 months old, spayed, and I had a microchip ID implanted when we had her spayed. When Nani came to us we had 2 other spayed females who came to accept her over time. Then last Christmas, my husband agreed to take in his 20 year-old daughter's 2 adult cats, one spayed elderly female and one neutered male. I was skeptical about having 5 cats under one roof over a thousand sq. ft. house, and I felt that my husband should have made his daughter be responsible for finding homes for her own cats, but he has a soft heart and caved in to his daughter's tears. There ensued 5 months of turf war, with several trips to the vet to tend to the wounds of 2 of our cats (not Nani) as they adjusted to the "interlopers". The cats have since established their place in the scheme of things and have learned to tolerate each other. All our cats have outside access, and they always come in several times during the day and Nani made a point of checking in with me each time. The name Nani (NAH-nee) is a Hawaiian word which means beautiful, wonderful. I have never had a bond like this with any other animal, and I've had horses, birds, and dogs over the years, all of whom I've loved and adored, as I do our other cats, but not like this. I feel like a part of me has been ripped out . I never had children, but I feel like I've lost my child. I have signed up for an e-mail consultation with you in hope of finding Nani and/or finding out why she left. My hope in seeing Nani again and feeling her little kisses on my face is turning to despair, and I'm battling depression. Our other cats except for our neutered male, Timmy haven't seem to notice anything different. Timmy walked with me several times on my searches of the neighborhood for Nani. I know he'd like to help somehow. I guess I'm searching for answers, since I can't fathom why Nani, if she loved me, would leave home. She has been spotted twice since she left; that was on the 12th of September, but since then, nothing. I'm physically and spritually exhausted. Is there anything I can do?
With my broken heart,
Kate

I too have lost a cat. His name was Dizzy and I'd had him from 4 weeks along with his twin brother Charlie. Both were bottle fed by me and looked after through some ruff times ( Cat flu!) He has been missing now for 2 months but i'm not giving up hope of him comming back! He was a true baby, he always wanted cuddling and holding like a baby.
I think that losing him was made harder because I'd had a baby just 1 month before. I also think that it was my fault for not giving him as much attention as he was used to. Although Charlie's fine, Charlie and me pined for weks, we even searched the streets to geather but we still haven't found him! Someone said it was because he's male and hadn't been fixed, but i don't think thats true, i just think he missed all the fuss!
He was such a gorgeous boy! He'd have breakfast in bed with me while i was pregnant and spend hours 'grooming' me and my clothes!
I love him and miss him and i'm not giving up hope!!!
Every sympathy, and hope for them both to return!!
x x x x x